tamjarts:

i’m british i’m allowed to hate everything

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Wondering whether to go to yoga class this evening or stay in and write my story.

Reasons to do yoga: 

• it makes me feel good
• I haven’t been for a while
• I’m trying to follow a healthy routine 
• I could write this story another time

Reasons to write:

• I’m all excited about it and I want to catch that energy
• my writers’ group is tomorrow so if I write it today I could get some feedback
• writing also makes me feel good - at least when it goes well
• it would be therapeutic to write this particular story

Maybe it doesn’t matter which I do, as long as I do one or the other rather than sit on tumblr and eat pizza…

(Source: lily-xo)

• I cannot succeed. If I am too successful, the place and people I love will be taken away from me, my parents will punish me, and my entire identity will be denied.
• Who I am and what I want doesn’t matter.
• Self-mutilation is a sign of maturity. Smiling while I do it makes me - not loveable, but acceptable.
• Travelling and living in the moment are the closest I will ever get to security.

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beauty-in-my-dreamworld:

“So much of the problem … comes from not being able to admit unhappiness, or to see that unhappiness is normal, to see that dissatisfaction and anger are normal. In my family there was only a small spectrum of emotion that was ever allowed to become public. Real, full emotions had to remain hidden. So if you’re not allowed to tell the truth, you start thinking up internal kinds of solutions.”

—

Aimee Liu, Gaining: the Truth about Life after Eating Disorders (via summergirl88)

This is so true for me. One of the things that I loved about V was how comfortable I was feeling the way I felt with him, and being honest with him - and I could tell, because when I was with him I never felt the urge to smoke or binge. And one of the things that sends me a message that I don’t feel free to feel however I feel around R is that being with her makes me want to indulge in all sorts of unhealthy behaviours. “Indulge in” in the sense of “flagellate myself with”, of course.

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